Brought to Belleview - A Plan and a Place

When I returned home after quitting my job, I walked into my home and saw my family of four waiting at the door.  I fell on my knees and grabbed the nearest child and buried my face into her neck.  I sobbed lightly.  Did I make a mistake?  Should I call them back and apologize and plead with them to take me back?  My wife put her arms around me and whispered into my ears, “I love you and I am proud of you”.  I looked into her eyes and smiled and squeezed her hand.  I laid on the floor and allowed my children to climb over me, it was their favorite thing to do with their father.  After the kids were put to bed, my wife and I spent some time alone in prayer and meditation. We were not certain what to do.  We knew God had something in mind for us, but we were not sure what.  We knew it was in the ministry, but we were not sure where.  I carefully planned out a speaking tour and asked God to give me some churches to speak at.  One of my closest friends asked me what I was going to do.  With feigned confidence, I boasted, “God will give me something in two weeks.”

Two weeks was coming to a close and I had contacted many churches.  My wife had traveled with a group of church women for the “Women of Faith” conference.  That night as I was at home alone with the children, after putting them to bed I checked my email.  There was one in my inbox.  Before I opened the email, I prayed:

“God, I place my trust in you.  I know you have a plan and a place for my family.  Show us where you would have us to go.  My faith is the size of a mustard seed and I am doing everything I can to hold on to it and let it grow.  Give me a church to preach at Lord.”

I opened the email.  It was from a church in north central Ohio that I had contacted a few days before.  They were looking for a pastor but they were also looking for preachers to come to the church to fill-in on Sundays.  I volunteered my services.  They were interested in having me.  My heart leaped within my soul.  Tears of joy welled into the corner of my eyes.  I wiped my eyes and read the letter and reread the letter.  I raised my hand in glory and praised God.  I called April and shared with her the news.  I could tell on the other end that she was as relieved and as excited as I was.  It had been exactly two weeks since my proclamation uttered with feigned confidence.  We set the date of September 18.  It was only the beginning.  God had opened many other opportunities.  Some have shut but others remained opened.  The month leading up to my first speaking engagement was a whirlwind.  It was also a blessed time of rest and relaxation for April and I as a friend volunteered to keep our kids for the weekend.  We would be alone.  We stayed in a hotel not far from the shores of Lake Erie.  We napped, we ate, and we napped some more and we enjoyed the sights the area had to offer.  That Saturday night was filled with laughter and blessed fellowship along with delicious food including Cotton Candy ice cream.  It was over too soon.  A task still laid before me.  I was to preach.  That night, I could not sleep.  I spent the late hours in prayer and meditation as I focused on the task ahead of me. 

On Sunday morning we made the 35 minute drive to the church amid the farmland of north central Ohio.  We came to a beautiful older but well-kept church atop a gentle sloped terrain.  The spirit within the church was sweet.  I gave it everything I had and trusted the Spirit to work within the hearts of the people.  After saying goodbye to the wonderful folks, we began our return home to our kids who were waiting for us.  I looked over to April and smiled.  She looked back and smiled in return and then said “I can see us there.”

Brought to Belleview - Like an Eagle

I have been at my job for well over 4 years.  I was only a few months removed from my five year anniversary.  The stability of my home and job was all I needed, I thought.  I worked to gain the respect of many of my fellow associates and the management team.  I did the only thing I knew how to do as taught by my mother and father.  Go to work every day and do above and beyond what you are required and do it with respect.  In late May and early June, the dynamics changed, hours were being cut back and gas prices were being raised.  Suddenly, the financial aspect of employment was leaving very little breathing room.  What had once been a nice cushion suddenly became thinner and thinner.  Yet, I refuse to let it deter me.  I drove to work each day and gave my all.  I was defiant to anything else.  Just go to work and come home, go to work and come home, my life had basically become a broken record.  God was not finished.  As each day passed, He pressed upon my heart more earnestly the call to the ministry.  He wanted to lead me to a different aspect in ministry and life.  I wrestled with Him.  It was not feasible for me I argued.  I have a job and a family support.  I don’t have the time to look for a church or churches to speak at.   One day, after a day off work, I went through my daily paper work and a red flag was raised.  A personal deal had transpired on a manger’s car that was borderline theft.  I brought the matter to the attention of the higher management team which called for an investigation.  After a week long ordeal the matter was settled, but not in the minds of the manager and those who were involved.  Whatever pleasure and happiness I had from work were quickly sapped out of the workplace.  A month passed as I endured the changed emotional dynamic of the workplace another dishonest issue came up.  It became the final straw.  I called my wife to seek her counsel and console.  She said something to me that I still remember this day: “You know what God wants; this could be His showing you to let it go”.  After I got off the phone, I did the only other thing I knew to do.  I prayed.  Then I realized the sermon that I preached on the eagle the summer before.  An eagle lines her nest with leaves or any other soft scraps that she is able to salvage in preparation for the eaglet and to make the nest a place of comfort.  After the eaglet has hatched and the time has come for the eaglet to learn to fly the mother eagle will lead them from the nest.  Every so often there is a stubborn one.  He refuses to leave the comfort of his nest which hinders his ability to learn to fly.  The mother eagle would hover her wings over the nest and the violent force of wind from her flapping her long wingspan would simply blow away and remove the items of comfort.  The eaglet has now lost its comfort zone.  It is left with no other option but to leave the nest.  I was the stubborn eaglet.  I had become rooted to my comfort zone.  My nest had been stirred and God had removed my comforts.  I walked into the manager’s office and explained to them my feelings and shook his hand and turned in my badge.  As I walked out of the building, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.  I felt free.  I felt like I could fly.  My nest had been stirred and I was now flying with wings like an eagle.  To where?  I didn’t know, but I was simply waiting on God.

Brought to Belleview - Time To Let It Go

When the twins came, I became so preoccupied with the joys of being a father of newborn twins.  The previous statement should have been read with a touch of sarcasm.  Yes, I did love the softness of the skin when they cuddled and slept in my arms.  There was the curious eyes taking in the new environment that April and I have had been familiar with over time.  It is the late nights I was struggling with.  On top of that, two weeks after their birth I had taken on a new promoted position at work with added responsibilities and changing hours which caused me to miss much of my girls.  Everything else just became an afterthought, including the ministry.  All I knew was in I was going to finish my time as a youth leader and take a little off my plate. 

What happened?  I knew I was going to stop.  I knew that I would not be doing it anymore.  Somehow, I committed to another year of service as the youth leader.  God was reminding me that He was not done with me yet.  Four months after I committed to another year of service to the church, April and I received a phone call that left us in surprised.  We were in the final stages of preparing our new home in which we purchased a few weeks before for our thriving and energetic family of four.  For me it took a while to accept our new house since we moved further from the church and my job.  We truly believed that this home was for our family four but now we have been proven wrong again.  The home would now be a home for a family of five.  Less than 9 months after the birth of our twins, we received the unexpected news that April is pregnant.  Suddenly, my plate became even fuller as I pondered the preparations needed for the arrival of our third child.  What ministry? 

When our son was born, I was off work for two weeks to help my wife around the house as she recovered from the delivery by C-section.  During that time, as I was away from worked and other distractions and my focus was on my young family, I spent much quiet time with God in between sleeps.  During those times, God was not quiet.  He was slowly but surely working within me.  As I pondered my website ministry and the youth ministry, my mind began dwelling on His will for my family and I.  By this time, I had told the church that I will not be serving in the role of a youth leader.  I simply needed a break.  I began searching for churches looking for a pastor to see what options there were but was not fully ready to take that next step.  I had a job.  I have a family of five to help support.  I had neither the time nor the money to search for a pastorate.  After two weeks, I was back at work, but my heart was emptier than it ever had been before.  I was blessed with a wife.  I was blessed with three small children.  I had long given up the promoted position to spend more time with the family and the church and took a leadership role in a department and I was still able to spend time with the church and my plate was less full as I stepped back and let a young Bible college graduate take over the role as the teen leader.  There was still something missing: God’s plan for my life.  Each day I went to work passed, the noose was getting tighter.  I was allowing something to hold me back and God was slowly crumbling the walls around me.  It was as if God was saying, “It’s time to let it go”.  A pillar that I had rested on for several years was now falling. 

Brought to Belleview - Where I Belong

Life was good for April and I.  I was busy with a job and serving as a teen leader in a local Nazarene church.  I had been asked on more than one occasion to fill in the pulpit and we had twins on the way.  For some reason, in my heart, it was not enough.  I had spent countless hours debating with God about preaching.   Was it evangelism He desired for me or pastoring.  In time, that burning desire being placed there by the Holy Spirit had been dampened as I became distracted with the coming twins, my website ministry, my job, and of course working with the teens.  My plate had become too full.  I was stretched too thin.  I told April that it was going to be my last year working with the teen program.  For 16 years I have worked with youth programs in various churches in North Carolina and Illinois.  During that time I have been privileged to be invited to preach in several states and to share my testimony.  God was good to me.  I loved the group of teens that I was serving but I was getting tired.  The desire placed in my heart had all but flickered out.  Whatever desire I had to speak was momentarily satisfied by the opportunity to teach Sunday School.  I must confess, I almost approached it more like a pulpit than a podium.  In the words of my wife, “You got a bit “preachy” in Sunday School today”.  I chuckled.  It was still there, I just ignored it.  As I filled in for the pastor during a Sunday evening service, April said something to me that I could not ignore.  I tried, but her words pierced me to my very heart.  I can still see the tears in her eyes as she shared those words to me.  I can still hear the quivering tenderness in her voice as she spoke.  I can still feel the gentleness of her touch as she held my hand.  All those senses rushed deep within my soul and the Holy Spirit reminded me of a task I had long since ignored.  When she told me those words, I dropped my head for a moment before I turned away and gazed out the window of my car.  It can’t be.  It reminded me of the words told to me by my father five years before his passing.  Much like the words of my wife, the Holy Spirit used his words to pierce me to the very depth of my soul.  Could it be?  Is it possible?  For several days the words of my father from over 10 years ago and the words of April raged against everything within me.  I have learned the folly of saying no, but I still fought in vain.  The look on my father’s face.  The passionate soothing sound of his voice.  The tears that welled in the corner of his eyes still rang fresh to me.

“You know that God has called you to preach because it is burning deep inside of you”, my father said.  That was in 1991.

After I asked my wife what she thought of my sermon.  She responded, “That is where you belong”.

Brought to Belleview - A Look Back

The journey of my wife and I have faced together thus far has run a gamut of emotions.  I ponder the time when we became increasingly frustrated by the lack of success to have a child to now being surrounded by three healthy, playful, robust children: twin daughters and a son.  We thought about the night in a revival in a small church not far from an interstate in eastern Illinois where we asked the pastor and the church to pray for us.  Only the pastor knew what we were praying for.  As we were surrounded by loving members of that church so dear to us, we pleaded with God to bless us with children. Less than two months later, a doctor confirmed her pregnancy.  There was the day a few weeks later where we thought that she had miscarried.  While she was with the doctor, I anxiously awaited the news and prayed for God to do something great.  And He did do something great. The day before we left for a week long vacation in Wyoming and south Dakota the news was that she had not miscarried but, in fact, was having twins.  We are still convinced that God allowed this so that we can inform her parents who we were meeting in Wyoming the blessed and joyous news.  What a wonderful time of celebration our vacation became.  There was the wondrous occasion of purchasing our home in eastern Illinois as God continued to pur out His blessings among us.  As we yearned for the day for our move, we quickly prepared our house for a family of four.  The day before we were to move into our new home we received news that April was pregnant again.  There were the moments of worry when she was suffering constant migraine and elevated blood pressure in the later stages of her pregnancy that forced the doctors to deliver our son by c-section a few weeks earlier than expected or April's health would be further endangered.  Since then, both mom and baby are fine.  God has been with us each step of the way.  That truth has been continues to be evidenced in the journey of the past year.  A dear family member of mine wrote a song entitled "It Had To Be God".  As I read the lyrics to the beautiful song I looked at the journey that brought me to where I am today.  I can only come to one conclusion, "It Had To Be God" that brought me to Belleview.