When the twins came, I became so
preoccupied with the joys of being a father of newborn twins. The previous statement should have been read
with a touch of sarcasm. Yes, I did love
the softness of the skin when they cuddled and slept in my arms. There was the curious eyes taking in the new environment
that April and I have had been familiar with over time. It is the late nights I was struggling
with. On top of that, two weeks after
their birth I had taken on a new promoted position at work with added
responsibilities and changing hours which caused me to miss much of my
girls. Everything else just became an
afterthought, including the ministry. All
I knew was in I was going to finish my time as a youth leader and take a little
off my plate.
What happened? I knew
I was going to stop. I knew that I would
not be doing it anymore. Somehow, I
committed to another year of service as the youth leader. God was reminding me that He was not done
with me yet. Four months after I
committed to another year of service to the church, April and I received a
phone call that left us in surprised. We
were in the final stages of preparing our new home in which we purchased a few
weeks before for our thriving and energetic family of four. For me it took a while to accept our new
house since we moved further from the church and my job. We truly believed that this home was for our
family four but now we have been proven wrong again. The home would now be a home for a family of
five. Less than 9 months after the birth
of our twins, we received the unexpected news that April is pregnant. Suddenly, my plate became even fuller as I
pondered the preparations needed for the arrival of our third child. What ministry?
When our son was born, I was off work for two weeks to help
my wife around the house as she recovered from the delivery by C-section. During that time, as I was away from worked
and other distractions and my focus was on my young family, I spent much quiet
time with God in between sleeps. During
those times, God was not quiet. He was
slowly but surely working within me. As
I pondered my website ministry and the youth ministry, my mind began dwelling
on His will for my family and I. By this
time, I had told the church that I will not be serving in the role of a youth
leader. I simply needed a break. I began searching for churches looking for a
pastor to see what options there were but was not fully ready to take that next
step. I had a job. I have a family of five to help support. I had neither the time nor the money to
search for a pastorate. After two weeks,
I was back at work, but my heart was emptier than it ever had been before. I was blessed with a wife. I was blessed with three small children. I had long given up the promoted position to
spend more time with the family and the church and took a leadership role in a
department and I was still able to spend time with the church and my plate was
less full as I stepped back and let a young Bible college graduate take over
the role as the teen leader. There was
still something missing: God’s plan for my life. Each day I went to work passed, the noose was
getting tighter. I was allowing
something to hold me back and God was slowly crumbling the walls around
me. It was as if God was saying, “It’s
time to let it go”. A pillar that I had
rested on for several years was now falling.
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